David Burns

Anyone who didn't know my husband and our dynamics will probably be confused but this is what he wanted and Im going to make sure he gets it. 

Reaper Field Report: Soul Harvest #E-2025-0820 - Dave Burns

Date of Collection: August 20, 2025

Subject: Dave Burns (February 16, 1962 - August 20, 2025)

Location: Rural Saskatchewan

Reporting Entity: Grim Reaper, Division of Eternal Transitions

Summary:

Esteemed Council, I submit this report with a rare admission: Dave Burns, 63, nearly unraveled my eternal composure. Collected in his sleep from beside his wife Melanie, this soul's life was a roaring symphony of love and loyalty that left my shadowed self in awe.

Born in Brockville, Ontario, to Jim and Muriel Burns, Dave was the eldest of three Burns children, predeceased by his parents and younger brother, Arthur. His harvest was routine in execution but profound in impact.

Survivors:

- Daughters: Emily Goodknecht (husband David, children Samuel and Cara, Brockville, Ontario); Natalie Beaton (husband Chris, children Morgan and Sawyer, Brockville, Ontario); DaVida Burns, age 10, his cherished mischief-maker.

- Stepdaughter: Caitlin Greenham, Brockville, Ontario.

- Sister: Miriam McInnis, with sons Joel and Luke, Brockville Ontario

Subject Profile:

Dave Burns was a bellowing titan, his voice a thunderclap that could shake the underworld's foundations. A walking encyclopedia, he dispensed trivia and life advice with unrelenting zeal - pearls like "never kick a fresh turd on a hot day," and "never trust a fart" - all lessons in practicality that left his family chuckling and me marveling at his earthy wisdom. His construction career - spanning sales, solar farms, and home renovations - was driven by heart, not profit. He built decks and catios while blasting rock anthems that could splinter the heavens. In Saskatchewan's quieter plains, he poured himself into his family life with Melanie, his soul mate, sparring partner and wife of 28 years, and DaVida, crafting a life rich with family. At Wood Country, his final workplace, his integrity forged deep unbreakable bonds as strong as kin among his colleagues. Friends relied on his instant generosity - fixing a fence or sharing a laugh, no notice needed.

He fostered stray cats, claiming their silent judgment beat human chatter, though I suspect he cherished their loyalty. Neighbours won't forget his garbage-day struts, wheeling bins in boxer shorts like a parade float, a defiant wink at convention. His love with Melanie was a wonder - 28 years of unspoken vows, a bond so fierce it made my scythe feel heavy.

Final Directives:

Per Dave's adamant decree, no funeral or service will be held. He loathed "fancy" and insisted on a raised beer or beverage of choice in his honor. A bold, fitting rebellion.

Reaper's Notes:

This soul's vibrancy and devotion staggered me. His thunderous spirit, sage advice, and unwavering love for his wife and family made this harvest a humbling ordeal. I respectfully request the Council assign me less formidable souls next or consider sending an intern - Dave Burns was a magnificent madcap - a rascal who made eternity feel like amateur hour. Recommend archiving his file under "Legendary Spirits." I'll observe the mortal toasts in his name, perhaps lifting a spectral brew in salute.

Signed,

The Grim Reaper

Division of Eternal Transitions